


Underwater

by kipsi



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-09
Updated: 2015-12-09
Packaged: 2018-05-05 18:06:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5385386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kipsi/pseuds/kipsi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barry isn't dealing well with being in a wheelchair.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Underwater

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Daughter_of_Scotland](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daughter_of_Scotland/gifts).



> Once again something that turned out totally different than the original idea. So sorry Daughter_of_Scotland but this is still angst, right, so it still counts? XD

After Leonard Snart had seen the news about the Flash getting beaten by that _thing_ , he had felt unusually restless. Seeing how the man - or whatever that even was - he wasn't sure, had held Barry's body like a rag doll that he was about to break, had made him feel _cold_.

The chill inside of him spread like a disease when he saw all of the blood on the kid's face, the state that his whole body was in. Unconscious. That's what he told himself when his mind brought back the image from the TV screen. He wasn't dead. Couldn't be, not after everything.

He wasn't used to feeling like this. Like he actually _cared_. It had always been just him and Lisa, his sister making him worry the most. This was new and unwelcome. And it was all the kid's fault. After everything that had happened with his father, Barry actually helping him and Lisa, and earning his trust like that.. it had become a weakness. He didn't even know when he had actually started to care about him like this.

Was it when his father shot him and he had thought that he died?

When he iced the metahuman and saved the kid, telling a white lie to cover up for what he did?

Way before that?

Len was at a loss, really. He had never been good with his feelings.. they were so complicated, and it had always been easier to just shut them out. But now he couldn't. Not when his brain whirred and all of this thoughts were on Barry and if he was okay. _Hoping_ that he wasn't dead.

 

\--

 

It didn't really come as a surprise to Len that the next time when he saw the same blue lightning, it wasn't showed through a TV screen but the man in a black suit was standing right before him.

Right before everyone that he had freed from Iron Heights' metahuman wing.

Len steeled himself as he looked at the speedster in silence.

The slots in the black cowl where the man's, _Zoom's_ , eyes should've been, were dark. Black holes staring back at Len, at everyone, as he told that he had set them free for one reason only; to wreak havoc and kill the Flash.

The clarification of Barry being alive was good news to Len, not having heard anything of the kid after seeing him on the TV. But he kept his face impassive, not showing emotion when Zoom's attention was on him and all of the other criminals and metahumans.

The feeling of being watched even though there were no visible eyes fixed on him was an uncomfortable sensation, but also creepy as hell.

He listened in disgust to the whispers that started around him after Zoom had told them that he would reward the killer of the Flash generously, before he was gone in a bright streak of blue lightning.

Len highly doubted that the man, if you could even call him that, would even keep his word. Didn't seem like the kind who would.

Not that he would even try to kill Barry.

Not anymore.

Instead, he wanted to save him.

The thought made him chuckle to himself.

 

\--

 

Barry was staring ahead, sitting in the wheelchair that he had been forced into, staring at the lake before him.

It was already late, the sky turning dark and the temperature dropping, making him shiver slightly. He couldn't exactly think of how long he had been sitting here, doing nothing at all.

He had left the S.T.A.R. Labs when it was still sunny outside, the sky completely clear from any clouds, telling the others that he needed air. No one had stopped him, not daring to say anything to him after the outburst that had happened when they had told him to get into Dr. Well's, _Eobard's_ , old wheelchair.

He could still see the pity in their eyes in his mind, though. The silent anger accompanying it later on when he had shut down and hadn't wanted to talk about what had happened. Any of it.

He really had needed the air.

But no matter how long he was looking at the now dark water in front of him and feeling the light breeze of the wind against his skin, he realized that he just felt worse.

Because in his heart, he felt _nothing at all_.

Zoom had robbed off his powers. His _legs_.

And the idea of never walking, never _running_ again was piercing agony that made him feel numb and sick to his stomach. And the longer he stayed staring at the dark, smooth water that didn't even move now, the worse he felt.

Because once again he had screwed up.

And once again people would die because of him. Brutally.

Barry swallowed thickly and fought against the tears that started to sting his eyes.

He was no hero, had never truly been.

He bit his lip when the first tear slid down his cheek, more following soon after. They burned as they ran down his cheeks, but eventually he welcomed the feeling, the salt on his lips. He deserved it, after all.

 

\--

 

Crying helped only for a while.

Barry realized soon that he was getting numb to the tears, and one was able to cry only so much.

He was exhausted and didn't have energy for anything. He locked himself into his room in the S.T.A.R. Labs, not being able to go home as he was, not being able to sleep in his own bed because of all the stairs. He refused to come out for the rest of the day despite the other's complaints.

After they realized that there was nothing that they could do, they left him to be. Barry was grateful for it, but even more so he felt like a nuisance. He wasn't able to do anything, and even though he didn't come out of his room properly, didn't talk to the others, they left him food behind his door.

He hadn't ever felt worse.

The days passed in a haze, every single one of them. It was like he was watching everything through a blurry screen that had eaten all the colors away. Sounds seemed more muffled, all of his senses idle. Everything was dull and nothing piqued his interest. It was like he was underwater.

It was the worst.

When he finally started to go out again, in that wheelchair that made him feel disgusted, he found himself returning to the same spot where he had been sitting days before. Looking at the lake.

There was a strange sense of tranquility when he looked at the water.

He wanted to reach for it.

But that would mean drowning.

 

\--

 

Len hadn't seen the Flash, Barry, not even once after getting out of Iron Heights. It had been two weeks already but he doubted that anyone else had seen the Flash either. He was sure that Zoom wouldn't keep quiet if someone had actually managed to ice him. Not that they could.

He was concerned, though, not even pretending to _not_ worry anymore.

The bright yellow stream of lightning was gone. He hadn't seen it zipping around the city, returning to the S.T.A.R. Labs like it usually did, the phenomenon even easier to detect in the dark of the night.

But now every night was darker than before.

He was making his way back to the safe house that he was occupying at the moment, about to turn a corner when he noticed a figure in the dark, way too close to the ledge that descended into the deep and cold water.

When Len recognized the figure, a breath left his lungs on its own and he was moving before he even realized it himself, his legs moving on their own to one Barry Allen, Barry who-

was sitting in a wheelchair.

Len stopped not three feet away from him. He couldn't remember the last time when he had been shocked.

The kid looked terrible. His usually radiant face was blank, completely emotionless. His usually shining and twinkling eyes dark and missing their shine.

Len knew that look.

And it was the look that he had never wanted to see on the kid's face. It made his insides feel all wrong, cold, the previous chill back now with full force.

His heart skipped a beat when Barry moved in the wheelchair and started to lean closer to the water.

 

\--

 

"Stop," the familiar voice told him, and Barry froze, his eyes darting to his side.

He hadn't even heard the other approaching him. His eyes widened a bit when he realized that it was Leonard Snart standing there, watching him.

He had expected someone else, anyone but him. He was supposed to be behind the bars, too. _How_?

"Get away from the ledge, Barry," the other told him, his voice sharp but at the same time uncharacteristically gentle.

It made Barry swallow thickly. He wasn't going to cry. Not in front of Cold, he told himself. Yet his eyes got awfully moist when Snart repeated the same words again, this time slowly, his voice a tad softer.

"I just- just wanted to feel the water," he replied then, his own voice shaky as he turned his attention back to the liquid darkness before him.

He heard the displeased sound the other made, then footsteps getting closer to him. Barry stilled.

"You're an awful liar as usual," he heard then. Barry let out a chuckle that turned out ugly, not having laughed in a while. He felt broken like this.

"I know that look you had in your eyes, Barry. Seen it too many times, been there myself," the next statement made his breath catch, his eyes turning back to the man who was looking at him.

However, the gaze that was fixed on him was nothing that Barry had expected. There was no pity, no sadness, no anger nor disapproval. Only understanding that made his heart clench, made him feel _something_.

"You're worth more alive than you could ever imagine," the words were said softly, almost so quietly that Barry had to strain his ears to hear them.

"Doesn't probably feel like that right now," Snart continued, his eyes dark and penetrating in the night as he looked straight at him, "but you've come this far already," he smirked. Barry snorted at him.

"Not gonna say that it's _gonna_ get better, but it _can_. If you _let_ it."

Barry averted finally his gaze and sniffled, not having noticed when he had started to cry again. In front of the other too. The warm tears turned cold in the night air as they flowed free.

"Never would've thought I'd get a pep talk from Captain Cold," he chuckled wetly and saw the other smirking at him.

"It's in my own best interest to keep the Flash around."

Barry gave him a small smile that didn't feel forced.

"Knew there was good in you."


End file.
